Like most people, we’re being inundated with fliers for the European elections on June 10th. I’m impressed that we’ve had so much. They must care! Here’s a summary:

Labour:Working Hard for Britain Large, thin glossy paper- looks like a supermarket flier. Not good. Picture of nice family in kiddies’ playground. Very little about Europe. All about Labour’s domestic record. .

Also there are six pictures of Labour people inside. “Which one is the candidate?” I said to Susan.

“All of them!” she said.

“What?”

It then dawned on me that the system for this election is not what I expected. Susan didn’t know what it was either. I’m still none the wiser. Does anyone know?

Conservative:Putting Britain First. Thick paper, not as glossy. Mmm. Nice. Focus on Britain’s relationship with Europe. Heavy on the need for a referendum on the new constitution. ‘Personal’ message from Michael Howard. (Is that good or bad? Hmm.) Six shiny double-barreled faces smiling at one.

Liberal Democrats:Let’s make Europe work for all of us. (what? for the MEPs or the people?) Smaller sheet in supermarket flier paper – boo – not trying hard enough. Slags off Tories as anti-Europe, and Labour for Iraq. Usual gubbins about cutting waste etc. Six fuzzy out-of-focus faces, holiday snap style, smiling (I think).

Now the little parties:

UK Independence:Say no to European Union. Well that’s clear. Two-colour theme (pink & yellow…mmm, nice). Mug of Kilroy-Silk inside. “Say No” to all sorts of things. Also known as the “Let’s Run Away While Blowing Raspberries at Everyone” Party. Looks like a bunch of old accountant-types.

Respect:Respect, Equality, Socialism, Peace, Environment, Community, Trade Unionism. Gorgeous George Galloway’s mob. Apparently run along Stalinist lines. Double plus ungood. Nice leaflet – best design. Nothing about Europe though. All anti-Blair.

British National Party:SAFE – Stop Asylum For Ever. Well that’s clear too. Single issue. This is the funniest. There is one candidate pictured with his family. On top of the picture is a quote, apparently from the little boy (looks aged 2 or 3), which says “My Dad isn’t a racist!” What a clever child! They’re not racist after all! No, no, … er … no?

Well there you have it. Who would you vote for?