You may remember the precautionary measures that I felt it necessary to take the other day. And, thanks the nudge from David, my family has been catechised for their own protection by learning a helpful song.
However, it is with great regret that I have discovered that there are double-agents afoot propogating even more pernicious falsehoods. It is necessary for all to be made aware of some secret research which has been done on the efficacy of tin-foil hats, which I have uncovered.
Here are the results: yes, it is true that at most radio frequencies mind-controling rays are attenuated by the hat. We are safe from, say, Radio 1. However, there is a band of frequencies for which this is not true. In fact, in this band the signal is … stengthened!
And HORROR of HORRORS!?!? – it is the band reserved FOR U.S. GOVERNMENT USE!! It seems that the whole rush to get the population of the world to acquire such (admittedly, mmm, fetching) hats was an elaborate ruse to control us yet further!!!!!
Whatever shall we do?